Just random feeling

All these while I am seem to be strong, independent and positive yet deep inside me I'm not. I'm really not. Being a coward just don't seem to be appear in front of people yet just when I'm alone. It's just so tired sometimes that I am force by my environment to be what I am not. Loneliness seem to be surrounding me always. Feeling down at times and wish to have a listener or a shoulder for me to cry on yet couldn't find one. Scared that I'll be bothering people too much or get annoyed by them so ends up not finding anyone. Everything that's not happy will just be hidden up from them and all I have is music to calm me down and cheer me up. So the cheerful me with the smile that you see was always the after filtered me. I want my friends feel happy when I'm with them instead of me given them all the sadness.

I tried to appreciate what I have and given. I want to say I'm not happy but come to think of that there are many who are less fortunate and worried how can they survive tomorrow, it knock off my mind and make me feel that my life is far more better and should not be unhappy when I don't have to worry about what they worries. I have a home and family although it's already not a complete family yet it's good enough better than not having any.


Being mature wasn't a choice that I could choose since my dad left. My mum sure had a hard impact and time during those years. So, in order not to give my mum a harder time, the responsibilities and trust from relatives were all thrown to me as being the only girl in the family and the one that seem to be able to take the responsibilities. All the eyes were looking at me and hopes that were counting on me were the forces that says I must look after the family and need to be mature in handling things.

Honestly, it was a tough time for me to go through the life of not many of you know. So, don't judge a book by it's cover. You never know what's inside until you read it. Not forget to thanks to some of my friends who helped me through my hard times. Life is just so unpredictable. So smile and enjoy while you still can.

Ahhh..Blogging and music with some tears just make me feel better. Thank God they are created. Gotta sleep now. Good night~